Love Affairs Without Love Songs [Matt]

Thinking of Matt as a dad was an amusing one, even more so after he mentioned not being around children much, which would have to change immediately because Ana simply loved children. She’d been around them most of her life, the product of being so much younger than so many of her siblings was that they started having kids when she was still pretty young and some of them she grew up with, others she got to play the part of aunt to and did so proudly. She loved all of her nieces and nephews, and she’d gotten a few more when Chantal and Summer started having kids, and though it wasn’t quite as fair, the three of her best friends kids got the brunt of her spoiling simply because it was getting harder and harder to spoil them all equally and she saw a lot of Luca Serena and Alanna simply because of how close she was to her best friends. Well, when she saw anyone, she didn’t get out too much these days with practises being so long and draining and having a guardian made her safe but she also knew that because he was necessary to have that she didn’t want to just go galavanting about as if there were no cares in the world and make herself a large target and there wasn’t a chance in hell that she’d risk one of the nieces and nephews she loved so much being caught in the crossfire. “We need to change that immediately. Kids are so great. Well, most of the time but the best part of the kids not being yours is when they start not being great you can just leave. If you’re gonna be around me in any capacity you have to at least hold a kid. I’ll steal Luca one day from Chantal. He’s the coolest little dude. Perfect starting point before you meet Serena and Alanna, since they’re twins I figured starting you with one is better.” She rambled off excitedly knowing that Matt meeting some of her favorite little people in the world was imminent and she’d get to experience that moment. She wanted to be a mother herself, had pictured it most of her life growing up with her dolls that she carried around and spent hours playing with and pretend caring for them as if they were real and loved helping her siblings with their kids when they started coming once she was old enough. The dream started to fade some as she grew older and her dating prospects were now practically nonexistent since the attack as she didn’t really feel it fair to Matt to have to be a guardian during a date, especially given their history as past partners. “According to Chantal and Summer a manual doesn’t magically appear when the kid is born so I guess you just sort of figure it out. Makes sense since you spend so much of your time with the kid you’d know what the best way to soothe them through a meltdown would be since it’s yours.” She had hoped a manual appeared with the child but magic only did so much, which sucked in her eyes, as she wanted to memorize every word like it was gospel when it came to parenting. “So you know all the things to not do. Be there is step one to a good parent. Not do the things that made you feel like your mum failed you in is step two. Boom good parent material right there. We all have examples of parenting unfortunately some examples are more what not to do rather than aspiring to be that type of parent yourself.” She told Matt attempting to be reassuring knowing that he would be a good dad if given the chance, she could, and secretly had, though generally she was the one he was parenting with, pictured him holding a toddler with his eyes and her hair rocking her back to sleep after a nightmare, or swinging his little boy up in his arms and tickling him just to hear him scream with laughter while laughing himself. He’d be a good dad, she could sense it. His job she thought could take so many of those memories away from him but apparently it wasn’t a rule to be married to the job, it was just one he chose to live by, and the fact that that job was currently spending all his time with her, well, she didn’t want to dissuade him too much given how much she enjoyed his company. “You should get out there and live life more. Not that I’m complaining about how often I see you though.” She was quick to add that she enjoyed their time together so he didn’t feel as if she didn’t want him around, when the opposite was definitely true. “I do love it. Even if the sleep deprivation does get to me sometimes. I’ve had dreams of sleeping.” She laughed knowing it was a silly dream to have but she had had them.

She did love Quidditch it was her passion and she loved getting the thrill of adrenaline after a winning match, the shouts of the fans cheering their names win or lose, and the rush when she caught the Quaffle and prevented a score, it was all amazing, and she didn’t know what she’d have done with her career without Quidditch, and knew to be grateful to have the chance as not everyone who wanted to play Pro was able to manage to snag a spot on the team, after all there were only so many teams and so many positions available on those teams. But Quidditch faded from her mind as she learned that Matt had lost his little sister, and she couldn’t even think about picturing one of her own siblings knowing that even the thought would send her into tears let alone having to live it, and feel as if it was her fault as Matt did. It made sense why he shared so little of himself, apparently not only with her but with most people outside her captain and another friend, and though she’d initially felt a twinge of jealousy at the camaraderie that Summer and he had, learning the root cause erased that feeling indefinitely. They were members of a club she wanted no part of, and she was glad, in a sense as she wasn’t happy they lost siblings, but at least they had each other to help through what she was sure had to be unbearable pain. “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to share something so personal with me. And if you ever want to talk about her feel free. You don’t have to hide your pain over it with me.” She told him gently with a soft smile touching his arm lightly in what was intended to be a comforting gesture even if the innocent move still had her feeling the sparks between them that she didn’t think had ever faded since that first electric night before her life took a turn and left her choosing the options that made Matt and her life simpler rather than a full social schedule. Some of it was that she didn’t have the energy to have anything more than a half-assed social life, and some of that was even forced when she’d likely choose to stay home and sleep in, a rare treat for her these days. Normal life was a pipe dream, not that she could complain too much given she was living the ultimate dream of getting to play on a professional Quidditch team as she did. “Sounds like fun figuring out normal together. You got yourself a deal Mr. Vargas.” If finding normal meant more of what happened next, she might just like a normal life.

---

Having sex outside was something she’d never done before but as she lay with Matt on the pitch she spent so much of her time on she wasn’t exactly complaining and definitely something she’d be willing to partake in again if they had the chance. She knew they likely couldn’t, sex didn’t answer the problems that had been over their heads but it made it a dull buzz instead of pressing on her chest with the weight of an elephant shouting at her. It could be easy to forget sometimes with Matt that he was with her because she was in danger just because they got along so well. It felt like they were just spending time together but he was there because she’d been attacked. That attacker was still out there, perhaps biding his or her time, perhaps not, she couldn’t know and with Matt as her guardian it meant that whatever there was between them wasn’t allowed to develop further, and despite what had just happened between them that also remained in place once they stepped outside this bubble that the pitch had provided her now. The pitch now forever altered in her brain in significance, “Yeah, same. Forever changed. Not in a bad way though.” And it wasn’t just the sex, though that was pretty major, it was where he’d opened up about losing his sister and talking about kids and the future and finding a normality she wasn’t sure fully existed for either of them. This place had always been special, and now it just held another reason why, and now perhaps it was a special place for Matt as well. Now, the pitch would be the place they finally gave in to their connection and forbidden or not Ana had no regrets about the turn of events the afternoon had taken, and was glad that Matt didn’t have any either, she was, however, a bit thrown by the confession of love; both his and hers. She didn’t think anyone exactly put on the to-do list to tell someone they loved them, but generally confessing something of that magnitude was when they were both in a place they could act upon that confession usually already in a relationship but Ana and Matt were unique and breaking all sorts of conventional rules it seemed. She knew some might think she was saying it back because Matt had said it, and it was safe to confess it when it couldn’t go anywhere but she wanted it to be able to go someplace, she wanted to tell the world she loved him, and she knew without having to look to closely what she was feeling was bigger than anything she’d felt in the past, the way she felt around Matt one that went beyond the odd tension from being old sexual partners. No, Ana had the feeling that if Matt hadn’t been her guardian, if she hadn’t ever needed one to begin with, they would be right here, saying I love you and kissing, that they’d be together. “I do. I really do.” She told him confidently even if she’d not intended to confess her love. It’d happened though and she felt it so she wasn’t taking the words back, and Matt wasn’t just saying it himself because of the way the afternoon had turned, though she didn’t think he would asking in a joking way as she had was best to get it out there. “I do know but it never hurts to double-check.” She said with a light laugh as he added that he had never told anyone else he loved them until this moment with her, and damn if that didn’t feel mighty important to be the first to hear those words from him. If she had to get attacked for this to happen between them she’d get attacked all over again if it was the only path forward to this moment, because nothing up until this point felt quite as poignant. “I can’t believe I’m the first. I’m so lucky that I somehow got the chance to love and be loved by you. I love you too, Matt.”