Post by BAILEY ROSE CARROW on May 6, 2023 22:46:17 GMT
If only you could feel it
the crippling fear of being deserted
@// || Hope this works!
[attr="class","Bailey"] Sitting through mundane lectures where professors wasted their time reviewing everything from the textbook drove Bailey insane. The inane droll of the professor went on and on, grating against her ears as she considered all the better things she could be doing at this very moment. She should have just ditched class like she had so many times before. Instead she was stuck at her desk, knee bouncing up and down as she waited for the time to pass. It went on and on, but based on the clock on her phone which she'd snuck under her desk there were only a couple minutes left. Even if he was in the middle of his lecture, the professor would have to stop when the class time was over, right? Maybe he was as bored as she was. Reciting textbook entrees to a bunch of snotty nosed children couldn't be fun. Not that she'd consider herself to be a child. She'd never really gotten to have a childhood - not like everyone else. She always had to be perfect, which meant putting way too much time into her classes. Even before Hogwarts she'd had a personal tutor breathing down her back. She'd never had the chance to be free like some of her classmates had, and it showed. Her peers could be so immature sometimes.
Her mind shifted to a certain seventh year that had been stuck in her thoughts since they had hung out together the other day. She had noticed the girl around campus before, but that had been the extent of their interactions until she'd walked right up and announced that they should build a snow fort. She was such an idiot. Here was this perfectly pretty girl who was actually willing to give her the time of day and she'd suggested something so childish. Maybe she wasn't so much more mature than her classmates after all. She should have asked to sit next to her in the dining hall or something more normal like that. Instead she'd probably made a fool of herself in front of someone who could have ended up being a good friend. Her heart was racing in her chest just thinking about the other girl, and her knee started bouncing more as she clenched her fists in her lap. She usually did her best to look as casual as possible, but she didn’t even notice her movements as she lost herself in thoughts of Imogen.
Bailey didn't even notice that the teacher had released the class until students started flooding past her to get to the door. Her cheeks flushed as she got her bags together. She needed to get over whatever these stupid feelings were. It was almost like she had a crush on the other girl, but that was impossible. Bailey had dated guys before. She didn't see how she could like a girl if she was straight. Besides, she did her best to maintain the role of her father's perfect child. Even if she messed up from time to time, this would be a huge mess up. She didn't have to ask to know her father was homophobic. He was a traditionalist in every way, and he had raised her to be one too. She wasn't sure she was comfortable with herself liking a girl, regardless of what he would think about it.
When she made it back to her room, Bailey screamed into her pillow then collapsed on her bed. It had been a long day. She'd had three classes back to back and she'd sat through all of them. She rolled onto her side and pulled out her phone, scrolling through Imogen’s social media. A smile played across her lips and she felt herself starting to calm down. Maybe she should do something for the other girl. She recalled Imogen saying she was Romanian, so she looked up recipes for Romanian desserts. She found some sort of Christmas bread called cozonac and decided to make that. She got out of bed and made her way down to the kitchens, which were blissfully empty save for the constantly working house elves. She admired them for working so hard.
She pulled up her hair and huffed out a breath, looking around the kitchen. She had no idea where to begin. She was not a good cook at all. This was actually a really bad idea, but she was already here so she might as well start at the beginning. She turned on the oven and got the ingredients one at a time as they were called for, asking house elves for help along the way. Eventually she had something that sort of resembled batter. She dumped it into the pan and popped it into the oven.
She returned to her phone and started scrolling through her notes. She had some stored on her phone, but most of them were on paper. She really should have brought them so she'd have something to do. For now this would have to suffice. She lost herself in her studying, trying to remember everything from her classes to add to her old notes.
Bailey frowned as the smell of something burning hit her. She opened the oven only to find a charred lump. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Her peers weren’t around, but the house elves were and she had no clue who they talked to. She growled and threw the lump in the trash, leaving her mess behind as she returned to her room.
Her mind shifted to a certain seventh year that had been stuck in her thoughts since they had hung out together the other day. She had noticed the girl around campus before, but that had been the extent of their interactions until she'd walked right up and announced that they should build a snow fort. She was such an idiot. Here was this perfectly pretty girl who was actually willing to give her the time of day and she'd suggested something so childish. Maybe she wasn't so much more mature than her classmates after all. She should have asked to sit next to her in the dining hall or something more normal like that. Instead she'd probably made a fool of herself in front of someone who could have ended up being a good friend. Her heart was racing in her chest just thinking about the other girl, and her knee started bouncing more as she clenched her fists in her lap. She usually did her best to look as casual as possible, but she didn’t even notice her movements as she lost herself in thoughts of Imogen.
Bailey didn't even notice that the teacher had released the class until students started flooding past her to get to the door. Her cheeks flushed as she got her bags together. She needed to get over whatever these stupid feelings were. It was almost like she had a crush on the other girl, but that was impossible. Bailey had dated guys before. She didn't see how she could like a girl if she was straight. Besides, she did her best to maintain the role of her father's perfect child. Even if she messed up from time to time, this would be a huge mess up. She didn't have to ask to know her father was homophobic. He was a traditionalist in every way, and he had raised her to be one too. She wasn't sure she was comfortable with herself liking a girl, regardless of what he would think about it.
When she made it back to her room, Bailey screamed into her pillow then collapsed on her bed. It had been a long day. She'd had three classes back to back and she'd sat through all of them. She rolled onto her side and pulled out her phone, scrolling through Imogen’s social media. A smile played across her lips and she felt herself starting to calm down. Maybe she should do something for the other girl. She recalled Imogen saying she was Romanian, so she looked up recipes for Romanian desserts. She found some sort of Christmas bread called cozonac and decided to make that. She got out of bed and made her way down to the kitchens, which were blissfully empty save for the constantly working house elves. She admired them for working so hard.
She pulled up her hair and huffed out a breath, looking around the kitchen. She had no idea where to begin. She was not a good cook at all. This was actually a really bad idea, but she was already here so she might as well start at the beginning. She turned on the oven and got the ingredients one at a time as they were called for, asking house elves for help along the way. Eventually she had something that sort of resembled batter. She dumped it into the pan and popped it into the oven.
She returned to her phone and started scrolling through her notes. She had some stored on her phone, but most of them were on paper. She really should have brought them so she'd have something to do. For now this would have to suffice. She lost herself in her studying, trying to remember everything from her classes to add to her old notes.
Bailey frowned as the smell of something burning hit her. She opened the oven only to find a charred lump. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Her peers weren’t around, but the house elves were and she had no clue who they talked to. She growled and threw the lump in the trash, leaving her mess behind as she returned to her room.
the toxic thoughts of an overachiever