Back To Reality

Dex had spent three years in Hell wanting nothing more than to get back to the people he loved but he hadn't realised just how difficult it would be when he did make it home. The world hadn't stopped turning during the three years that he had been gone, life had gone on without him and now Dex needed to find his place within it once more. He had seen the pain written all over the faces of his parents and sisters alongside the relief and joy that he was back with them when they had paid him a visit and it was the same with Julian. Dex had heard some things about what it had been like for them while he was gone but the truth was that hearing it and seeing it for himself were two different things entirely. He knew that he was going to have to go through the process of reversing the fact that he had been legally declared dead and that was something that he definitely wasn't looking forward to but the truth was that right now that was the furthest thing from his mind. It had been about a week since he had escaped from his prison and even though he was free now, he had spent most of that time cooped up either in the Ministry field office in Ecuador or at St Mungo's. He understood why everyone was being so cautious around him, they all seemed to expect him to break at any moment but none of them had any idea what he had been through. They didn't know what he'd had to endure or what he had done to survive and Dex couldn't bring himself to tell them - certainly not yet and perhaps not ever. He needed to pick up the pieces of his life and start living again and he had honestly started to think that he was losing his mind inside the hospital. He had managed to keep it together during his time being held prisoner but there was only so much he could take of hearing the hospital staff gossiping about him and how some of them thought that he had been the one to kill all of his friends. They didn't seem to realise that he could hear every word they were saying or if they did they simply didn't care. The visits from his family, Julian and Micheal had helped, right now news of Dex's survival was still being kept on a need to know basis and apparently even his best friend hadn't been on that list until Dex's parents had told Julian of his survival during his latest check in with them which Dex gathered had become something he had taken to doing at least once a week since Dex was captured and Julian had made sure that his name was put on that list. Truth be told Dex had wanted him there too but there was one person he had been longing to see for the last three years that he hadn't seen yet and that was Kelsey.

So many times Dex had wanted to reach out to her and let her know that he was back but the truth was he had no idea what he would even say. Somehow "Hey, I'm sorry I was gone for three years but I'm back now and I want to pick up where we left off" really didn't feel right even if that was what he wanted. For all Dex knew Kelsey had moved on with her life and found someone new and if that was the case then there was a part of him that wanted to stay in the dark about it for a little longer. Nothing would ever change the fact that she was the reason he had been able to hang on for all those years or that the only thing that had given him the strength to escape in the first place was his love for her and the thought that he might finally get to see her again. Kelsey was his soulmate, Dex knew that, but she had spent the last three years believing he was dead and he knew that there was no way that he could ever make that right. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that she would always be his forever even if he was no longer hers.

That day Dex had finally been given the all clear by his Healer and he had decided it was time that he get out of there and regain control of his life. He was under strict instructions that he wasn't to reach out to the families of any of his friends that had died as they hadn't all been notified yet and he wasn't meant to draw any attention to himself. Everyone who knew he was alive had been sworn to secrecy about it for the time being and Dex had been assigned a protection detail that actually felt more like a babysitter intended to keep him out of trouble than anything. He had managed to give them the slip after discharging himself from St Mungo's and there was only one place he had needed to go - to visit Cece's grave and see for himself that what he'd been told was true, that an empty casket for him had been buried right next to his sister. It was one thing having so many people tell him that everyone had believed he was dead but he knew that only seeing the headstone with his own eyes would make it real. Even as he approached his sister's grave he wasn't sure that he was ready to see his own but sure enough there was a headstone right next to hers with his name on it just like he had been told there would be. Dex hardly even had time to process that, though, because at his grave was the one person he had been longing to see. As she turned to look at him Dex's breath caught in his throat. Kelsey was just as beautiful as ever, perhaps even more so after he had only been able to look at a photo of her for so long. Dex hadn't wanted to give himself false hope that she might still love him and want to be with him only to have that hope destroyed when he found out that she was with someone else but she was here at his grave and Dex knew that had to count for something. What that was he had no idea right now but as she said his name, Dex wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and never let go. He knew that he must look a right state at the moment since he was still healing from the injuries he'd sustained and it certainly wasn't how he had wanted Kelsey to see him again after so many years but he knew that it was probably a good thing. If he hadn't seen her until he was healed and back to his old self then it would be like the last three years hadn't happened and that wouldn't be fair for either of them. The disbelief on her face was clear and as she seemed to sway on her feet, Dexter's reaction was automatic. Without even thinking about it he closed the distance between them and his hand found the small of her back to steady her like he had done so many times before. He hadn't meant to do it, he had wanted to give her time to come to him, but he was so worried about her that he did it without thinking about the consequences. Now it was too late and Dex found that he simply couldn't resist so he let the fingers of his free hand lightly brush against her cheek. "It's me," he said, his eyes locked on hers for a moment before he cleared his throat and realised he should give her some space so he put a bit of distance between them. It would have been so easy for him to lean forward and kiss her in that moment but that wouldn't have been fair of him to do it, not when he'd had a week to get used to the idea that he would finally get to see her again and she was only finding out now. "I'm so sorry Kels, I never meant for any of this to happen," he breathed, quickly blinking away the tears that formed in his eyes. "I never stopped believing that I'd get to see you again one day." He hadn't known whether he would get to see Kelsey again in the land of the living or whatever passed as an afterlife but he had always held onto the hope that their paths would cross again.

KELSEY JORDAN ABRAHAM

For years all Dex had dreamed of was going home and seeing the people he loved again. He had been reunited with his parents, sisters and Julian but the one person he hadn't seen despite his constant longing to was Kelsey. He had tried asking about her but none of his family had seemed to know where she was or what she was doing now and Julian hadn't either. From what they'd all said they had lost contact with her and Dex hated the idea of her being alone but he hadn't been able to bring himself to look into what she had been up to any further. He knew that she still had her mum and sister and when he had left she was on her way to becoming a Healer. He had always known how important it was to her to be able to right the wrong of what had happened when her dad died and even though he had always known deep down that being a Healer wasn't her passion, he had still supported her and he had trusted that she would either come to love it or find something else that she was passionate about sooner or later. Now he had no idea what her life looked like or who was in it, he could only hope that she was happy. The idea of Kelsey being with someone else broke something deep inside of him and the truth was that his love for her was what had kept him alive for so long but it hadn't taken him long at all to see how incredible she was and he had known that chances were someone else had seen it by now too. He hadn't known that it had been three years, it had been impossible to keep track of time where he was and if he was honest he wouldn't have wanted to anyway. If he had known how long it had been then he might have given up a long time ago and he wouldn't be here now. News about his survival was still being kept under wraps while his friends' families were being notified and he completely understood but it was still difficult not being able to reach out to anyone from his old life yet. He was allowed to talk to his family and Julian but other than that he was under orders that he needed to keep a low profile until his survival was made public. He had managed to lead the guy who found him in Ecuador back to the camp and the bodies of his friends had all been recovered but from what he could gather some of them were still being identified. The families would be able to finally get some closure since there were now bodies that could be buried and Dex planned on attending all of their funerals if the families would allow him to but he knew that he would have to wait and see.

He had been assigned a protective detail to keep him safe since they didn't yet know how all of the families were going to take the news and there had been more than enough nurses and Healers gossiping at St Mungo's about how they thought he had killed all his friends to make anyone realise that others might believe that as well. It wasn't true at all, Dex had wanted to save his friends but he hadn't been able to do that and instead he'd had to watch as they were killed one by one. He wasn't sure how much information the Ministry would release when the time came but he hoped it would be enough to help those at the hospital see that they were wrong about him. Dex didn't really care what most people thought about him but he did care what the people he loved thought and he knew that he didn't want any of them to start doubting him when he had fought so hard to get back to them all. It hurt to know that everyone had thought he was dead but deep down he knew that it made sense. His family wasn't rich like those of some of his friends were so he wasn’t one they had taken to using for ransom videos. The only time he had been taken out of the building he had been kept in all those years other than for the few group videos at the start was the day they had decided to kill them all so of course everyone else would think that he was dead. The only ones of value to the gang were the guys who came from money and he knew that the only reason they had kept the rest of them around was to keep those guys in line. Killing one of them if they refused to cooperate meant nothing to the gang but it was always effective and Dex was under no illusion that he had been kept around for any other reason. In the end he knew they had regretted keeping him alive, he had seen the terror in their eyes as he had killed them one by one but he knew it was the same terror that had been present in the eyes of his friends as they were killed. Dex had never wanted to become a killer but he had done what he'd needed to in order to survive. If he had left any of them alive then they would have only come after him, there was no doubt in his mind about that, but it was yet another thing that he had to live with now.

It was one thing to be told that everyone had thought he was dead and an empty casket had been buried next to his sister's grave but it was something else entirely to see it for himself. That was what made it finally sink in but the biggest shock of all was seeing Kelsey there. He had felt sure that after all this time she would have moved on with her life but the fact that she was here was enough to make him hope that perhaps there was still a chance after all. Dex knew that he was a mess, he looked so different to the way he used to but that at least was something he knew could change with time. He wanted to get back to the way he used to be on the outside but the truth was that he had no idea who he was now underneath it all. He knew it would take him time to figure that out but one thing that definitely hadn't changed, one thing that would never change was his love for the woman before him. He could see the shock written all over Kelsey's face but when his hand found the small of her back to steady her the way he had done so many times before, she didn't recoil the way he had thought she might. She had once told him that the feeling of his hand against her back when she was overwhelmed in a crowd calmed her and he had wanted to help her now but as she became a little more steady on her feet Dex moved away, putting some space between them so as not to overwhelm her any further. He still wanted to be with Kelsey and seeing her now was enough to heal his heart a little but he had no idea where he stood with her or whether she had someone else to comfort her now the way he once had. "I am," he nodded as she said he was alive. He wanted to say more but there was a lump in his throat stopping him from doing that and it only seemed to ease when Kelsey moved closer to him, wrapped her arms around him and buried her head against his chest in the way she always used to that never failed to make him feel that she belonged there with him. For a moment he was surprised but he hesitated only briefly before wrapping his arms around her tightly and kissing the top of her head the way he always used to. This time he wasn't able to blink the tears away and they rolled freely down his face. He had been holding them in for such a long time but seeing Kelsey again was enough to make the floodgates open it seemed. "I made it, Kels. They kept me alive all this time but eventually they decided they didn't need us anymore. They killed everyone else but I managed to escape. I knew I had to survive and make it home." To you, he wanted to add but he stopped himself, knowing that he couldn't do that until he knew how Kelsey felt about him. With one arm still wrapped around her, he reached into his back pocket with his other hand and pulled out the photo of her that he had always kept with him. Unfolding it, he held it out so she could see. The photo was torn around the edges, dishevelled and dirty but it was still unmistakably her. "You're what kept me going all that time."

KELSEY JORDAN ABRAHAM

Dex had known that he had been held captive for a long time but it wasn’t until he made it to the field office in Ecuador that he’d learned that it was three years. He had known that the world hadn’t stopped turning while he was locked away, everyone he had known had moved on with their lives without him but knowing that and seeing it with his own eyes were two very different things. He knew that it was going to take a lot of time to catch up with everything, his family, Julian and Minister Herondale had helped fill him in a little but he had three years’ worth of events in the lives of those he loved to catch up on along with everything that was going on in the world. He knew that ditching his protective detail was dangerous given the way things were right now with the Enlightened causing chaos across the world but he honestly believed that he was at the back of everyone’s minds at the moment. News of his survival hadn’t yet been made public knowledge, the Ministry was notifying the families of his friends who had died before it became common knowledge and Dex knew that was the right thing to do. He didn’t want them to be blindsided by the news being released, they deserved to be told personally and with his friends’ bodies being transported back to the UK he knew that they were finally going to be able to get the closure they deserved. There was every chance there might still be some backlash when the news came out, especially if the reactions of the staff at St Mungo’s were anything to go by since so many of them had seemed to believe that he had been the one to kill his friends, but it was the families of his friends that he had been trying to focus on. He knew that they had been left in limbo for the last three years just like his loved ones had been, some of them had seen the ransom videos and had known that the people they had desperately wanted to save were still alive at that point so in a way it had probably been worse for them. It was different for Dex’s family, they had been told that he was dead a long time ago and with no proof of the contrary, he didn’t blame any of them for believing it. He hadn’t been held for ransom like his friends had been, he had been kept away from all of them after he’d tried to fight back that first day and used as leverage to keep them all in line. He had spent those three years alone and he wanted to get used to being around others again but the truth was that it was going to take some time and he knew that he needed to learn to be patient.

He knew that his family were probably going to be worried that he’d discharged himself from hospital and had ditched his protective detail but the truth was that Dex had needed to see his grave for himself. That was the only thing that would really make what they had all been through sink in, he hated what he had put them through and he knew that he was never going to be able to take that back but he also wanted to try and find a way to make things right with them although the truth was Dex didn’t even know where to start. As awful as the whole ordeal had been for him, it had to have been just as bad for them and now he had that extra guilt to carry around with him on top of everything else. He knew that in time it would all become easier to deal with but right now it was a lot and he had needed some time away from everyone. His parents wanted him to move back in with them and he didn’t have anywhere else to go so he knew that he was going to have to take them up on that at least until he got back on his feet. Eventually he was going to have to go through the process of getting the decision that he had been legally declared dead reversed but right now he wasn’t worried about that. He wanted to take it one step at a time and that meant coming to terms with what had happened and trying to pick up the pieces of his life. He had wanted to reach out to Kelsey so badly but everyone had lost touch with her from the sounds of it and Dex hadn’t even known where to begin with changing that. He had been terrified of what he would find when he did see her again, he had felt sure that she would have moved on with her life and started over with someone knew but Dex was certain that she was it for him. She was his first love, that was true, but she was also the reason he had survived for so long and a love like that would never go away.

He had never thought that he would run into her at his grave, it all seemed so surreal and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was dreaming right now. She looked just like he remembered, as beautiful as ever, but the way she looked at him was like she had seen a ghost and that was what grounded him. He knew there was every chance that he might still be imagining this but the truth was that if he was then he never wanted to wake up. Kelsey felt so real as she all but collapsed into his arms and he knew in that moment that he never wanted to let her go again. He knew that it wasn’t fair to her, he had no idea what her life looked like now and if there was even a place for him in it, or whether she would want him back in her life, but in that moment all he could do was lose himself in the feeling that he was holding Kelsey for the first time in years. His whole body still hurt but he couldn’t even bring himself to care about that, all that mattered was that Kelsey was here and she was in his arms where she belonged. Seeing his family and Julian again had been one thing but seeing Kelsey was enough to make him know that he was finally home. Unfortunately Dex knew that he wasn’t the same man he was when he left, he had been forced to become a killer in order to survive since he had known that if he’d left any of the gang members alive then they would have come after him eventually and there was a part of him that wasn’t so sure he deserved Kelsey’s love any longer, if it was even still available to him. It was going to take time for him to figure out who he was now but one thing that was never going to change was the fact that he wanted to be with her, even if he no longer felt worthy. The staff at the hospital had tried talking to him about mental health and they’d tried getting him to agree to talk to someone about what he had been through but he wasn’t ready to face any of that yet and he wasn’t sure he ever would be. Dex knew that he had a lot of work to do now that he was finally back but for now all of that was going to have to wait. As Kelsey said that he came home to her, Dex nodded. “I did,” he said gently as he wiped the tears away from his eyes. “I know I don’t deserve you anymore but I knew that I had to see you again, even if it was only one more time.” If Kelsey didn’t want him to be a part of her life then he knew that he would respect that, it was unfair of him to expect to come back and want things to go back to the way they used to be, but even if this was the only time he would get to see her then at least he’d had that chance. As she apologised, Dex hooked a finger under her chin and lifted it so she would look at him. “You have nothing to apologise for, do you hear me?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her tightly once more. “I wasn’t on the videos after that first one, you had no way of knowing I was still alive. I don’t blame you or anyone else for believing I was dead so please don’t blame yourself,” he said, his eyes fixed on hers as he spoke. There wasn’t any way she ever could have known so he knew that the last thing he wanted was for her to blame herself. Taking a deep breath, Dex finally asked the question he hadn’t known he’d want an answer to. “What does your life look like now Kels, are you happy?” he asked, leaving out the part of that question he knew that he wasn’t ready to deal with – is there room in your life for me?. All he’d ever wanted was for Kelsey to be happy but the thought that she might be with someone else still broke his heart even if he wasn’t sure he could ever be someone who deserved her again.

KELSEY JORDAN ABRAHAM

Even though he could feel Kelsey in his arms right now, the truth was that there was a part of Dex that still expected him to wake up at any moment and find that this was all nothing more than a dream. He had been left alone to his own thoughts a lot while he was in St Mungo’s and they were broken and scattered, he knew that he was a mess but after everything that he had been through, he was pretty sure that was to be expected. All he had been able to think about for so long was getting home, he hadn’t spared a thought for what it would be like when he actually got there. He had seen the mixture of sadness and relief on the faces of his parents and sisters when he saw them at the hospital and he had seen a similar mixture of emotions on Kelsey’s face. It would be too easy for him to focus on just his pain and ignore that of those around him but even after everything that had happened, that wasn’t who Dexter was. He didn’t know much about who he was these days but he did know that much at least. This didn’t just affect him, it affected everyone who had once meant anything to him and Kelsey was one of the people who had always mattered the most. He hadn’t planned on falling for her when they first started spending time together, he had dated before and never really felt anything for the girls he went out with so he hadn’t been expecting that to change. Kelsey had turned his world upside down but definitely in a good way. Dex hadn’t known what he would find if he actually made it home and for a long time it had seemed like it was never going to happen anyway but here they were. It seemed strange to finally have what he’d wanted for such a long time but it also felt incomplete. It was his love for Kelsey and his desire to see her again that had kept him going for so long but right now he had no idea where he stood and he hated it. He knew that he didn’t want to push her and if he was honest he wasn’t even sure what he was ready for himself but he knew that he loved her and after how hard he’d fought to get back to her, Dex knew that he never wanted to let go of her again.

That wasn’t entirely up to him, though, Kelsey had a say in it as well and Dex couldn’t help but feel like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kelsey was here, she was at his grave leaving flowers and perhaps even talking to him but that didn’t mean that she hadn’t still moved on with her life or that she hadn’t found someone new. Even just thinking that felt wrong, Dex knew that Kelsey was his forever but he didn’t know whether he was hers any longer. He had been gone for a long time and he wouldn’t have blamed her for moving on or for having a life that could no longer include him. That was what he’d meant when he’d said it might be the last time they saw each other, if Kelsey wanted to draw a line under what they’d had then it would hurt like hell but Dex knew that he would respect her decision. Everything that had happened so far was enough to make him hope that there was a chance that she might still want him even as broken as he now was but he didn’t want to assume anything. He could see the panic in Kelsey’s eyes after he’d said it and he regretted those words instantly but moments later Kelsey fainted and that panic was replicated in Dex’s eyes as he wrapped his arms tighter around her, holding her to him as he waited for her to come to. “I am. This isn’t a dream Kels, I’m really here,” he assured her gently, the words spoken for both of them as Dex knew that he needed to really start believing it too. “Given what’s going on right now, I can’t say I blame you. It will be our little secret,” he promised, knowing that there was no way he was going to tell anyone else. “I’m really sorry baby, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said gently, the pet name he had often used for Kelsey slipping from his lips without Dex even realising it. “About what I said before, I’m not going anywhere. If it were up to me I’d never let you go again but it isn’t just up to me. You’ve lived your life without me for the last three years and it would be wrong of me to expect that you still have room for me in that life or that you would even want me in your life after what I’ve done,” he said, his eyes fixed on hers as he spoke before he let out a sigh. “When I broke free I used the little magic I had to turn into my animagus form and I killed every one of the men in the gang that held us prisoner. I’m not the same person I used to be Kels, you deserve so much better.” As he spoke those words the memories of that day came flooding back to him but he forced them away. He couldn’t afford to go down that dark path, not now. He had told Kelsey the same thing he’d told the Ministry, he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it anymore than that right now but he needed her to know.

Dex knew that all the blame for what had happened lay with him, he had been the one who had decided to go with his friends and that decision had meant that the people he loved most in the world had been put through hell for the last three years. He refused to let Kelsey take any of that blame onto herself when there was no way that she ever could have known that he was still alive and he had told his parents and sisters the same thing. None of them deserved to have to live with that guilt and if he could stop it, he knew that he would. Dex had no idea how he was going to make any of this right with the people he loved but he knew that he had to find a way. The question about what Kelsey’s life looked like now was one he wasn’t sure that he wanted to know the answer to but he knew that he needed to hear it regardless. As she said that he was a part of her soul, Dex’s breath caught in his throat and he felt his eyes sting with tears which he didn’t even bother trying to blink away this time. “Merlin, I love you so much,” he breathed, bringing his hand up and letting it rest against her cheek. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss her and in the back of his mind there was a voice telling him that he shouldn’t because she might have found someone else but everything she was saying made it sound as though she still felt like they belonged together and he tuned that voice out as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers in a kiss that he poured everything he was feeling into, tears spilling over his lashes as he did so. He knew he didn’t deserve her anymore, she deserved so much better than he could ever be, but the moment their lips connected her knew that he had truly found his home so for the moment nothing else mattered. “You’re my forever, Kels. Always have been, always will be. Can you ever forgive me for everything I’ve put you through?”

KELSEY JORDAN ABRAHAM

Dex really hadn’t expected Kelsey to faint but he knew that he certainly wasn’t going to hold it against her. He had been back in the UK for a few days and the truth was that there were times even now when he still felt certain that he had to be dreaming so he didn’t expect her to believe this was real straight away. Honestly, the more time they spent together the more he was starting to see that this was real and he was so glad. He knew that he could never dream something like this up, he had gone to the cemetery so he could feel close to CeCe again after such a long time of being away but the biggest reason was because he had needed to see his grave for himself. He had heard that everyone had believed him to be dead but it hadn’t felt real until he saw the headstone with his name, date of birth and what seemed to be a date on which he had been declared dead. He had never wanted any of this to happen, the trip was only meant to be for three weeks and then he was going to return home, ask Kelsey to marry him and show her the place he had found for the two of them. Instead it had turned into three years of hell for everyone he cared about and nothing Dex did would ever be able to take that back. He knew he had a difficult road ahead of him, he knew better than to think that everything was somehow going to magically be fine now that he was back home, but compared to the friends he had gone away with he was still the lucky one. He had survived when they hadn’t and deep down he knew that he owed it to all of them to make the most out of his life. He wasn’t living just for himself anymore, he was living for them as well and he knew that he wasn’t going to let them down. He shown the Ministry where their bodies were and he had been assured that once everything was processed, his friends’ bodies would be brought home so they could be given proper burials. He was determined to do right by them and he wanted to do the same by Kelsey and everyone else he cared about now. Thankfully it didn’t take long before Kelsey came to once more and Dex felt a smile touch his lips as she said she was happy it wasn’t a dream. “So am I,” he said gently. As she said she would tell people he hadn’t caught her if he mentioned that she’d fainted, Dex couldn’t help but laugh. “You wouldn’t do that to me,” he teased, knowing that she would never paint him in a bad light like that even if it was a joke.

It had never been a conscious decision when Dex had started calling Kelsey “baby”, it was something that had just happened the first time and it had felt so natural that it was something that he had carried on doing. He often seemed to use nicknames for people, Satine was always either Ti or Ti Ti to him, Emily was Em and Julian was Jules so it hadn’t seemed strange at all when he had given Kelsey a pet name on top of the usual Kels. He hadn’t even realised that he had called Kelsey that again until she said she never thought that she would hear it again and Dex’s expression softened. “I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to say it again,” he said gently. He couldn’t imagine ever calling anyone else baby, it was a name that was reserved for Kelsey alone and that was never going to change no matter what happened next. Dex already knew what he wanted his future to look like, he wanted Kelsey right there by his side through it all but he knew that he couldn’t expect her to want to pick up right where they’d left off. So much time had passed and they were both different people now, not to mention Kelsey had a life he knew very little about. There was so much uncertainty but there was also still hope and that was what Dex knew he needed to hold on to.

Dex was about to protest and say he wasn’t a good person anymore but his breath caught in his throat as Kelsey said that he survived and called him baby in return, the protest cutting off immediately and he leaned into the touch as Kelsey’s hand ran over his cheek before settling in his hair. “I survived,” he breathed, needing to repeat those words so that they might finally sink in. “I showed the Ministry where my friends’ bodies were and they promised they’d bring them home. They’ll finally get to have the proper burial they deserve,” he said gently. Some of them had died at the very start and others had died in the years that followed but some had only died about a week ago. Dex wasn’t sure how much comfort that was going to bring to their families but other than the ones there had been recent ransom videos of he presumed the others had been thought of as being dead like he had been so at least they could finally get some closure. “I’m still not a good person, you deserve someone who is,” he said at last even though the words sounded weak to his own ears. He so desperately wanted to be someone she deserved, he liked to think that he had been once but he wasn’t sure that he could ever get back to being that again. “I don’t even know who I am anymore, all I know is that I’m a mess right now Kels. I’ve spent the last few days in St Mungo’s and I heard so many of the staff talking about how they think I’m the one who really killed my friends. I doubt they’ll be the only ones who think that either,” he sighed. “I don’t want to drag you down with me, baby.” He had already put Kelsey through so much and even though the idea of facing anymore of his life without her by his side scared him to no end, he knew that he was always going to want to protect her no matter what. It wasn’t just his decision, though, and he knew that if Kelsey wanted to be there with him then he wasn’t going to push her away. It definitely didn’t change the fact that he loved her and before he knew it those words were leaving his lips and he was kissing her like he’d never kissed her before. He had spent three years wanting nothing more than to be back with her where he belonged and now he was, he knew that he didn’t want to do anything to mess it up even if he needed to make sure she knew what she was letting herself in for. Dex wiped his eyes as he finally broke the kiss and a small smile touched his lips as he saw Kelsey do the same thing. Just hearing that Kelsey had visited to talk to him the same way he used to visit CeCe and do the same was enough to make his heart ache. He hadn’t expected that, he had felt so sure that she would have found a way to move on with her life but she hadn’t, she had still been holding on to him in her own way. “I didn’t think I’d find you here either,” he admitted. “My parents told me they’d buried a casket for me here next to CeCe but it didn’t feel real, I needed to see it for myself,” he explained, his eyes flickering to the headstone with his name on it once more which caused an involuntary shudder to run down his spine. He hadn’t wanted to believe that they’d had to do that but now he knew it was true and it made him feel sick to the stomach even though it seemed to have helped Kelsey have somewhere to go to talk to him. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay there but there were things that needed to be said first. As she took both his hands before placing one over her heart and entwining the fingers of his other hand with hers, Dex looked down at their hands and his heart skipped a beat as she said that she was still in love with him and that he was her forever. He could feel Kelsey’s heartbeat strong underneath his hand but that wasn’t the only thing and he untangled their fingers so he could lift the ring that was dangling from a chain around her neck and hold it to the light. He recognised it straight away and it made a smile form on his lips. “You found it, I hoped you would,” Dex said, slipping his finger part way through the metal band before letting it fall back into place once more. “I bought that for you before we graduated. I thought about asking you then but everything was changing and I didn’t want to add anymore pressure to what we were already about to face. I wanted to give us time to settle into our new lives and find our feet as a couple away from Hogwarts first,” he explained, his expression turning a little sad as he tore his gaze away from the ring and let his eyes meet hers. “I had it all planned, I’d made a reservation at our favourite restaurant and booked out the whole place for the two of us for the weekend after I was meant to get back from the trip. I put down a deposit on a place for us to live before I went and by then I would have been able to pick up the keys. I was going to ask you when I took you out for the meal. I didn’t tell anyone I’d bought a ring, not even Jules. It didn’t feel right sharing it with anyone before I asked you, I wanted you to know that I wanted us to be forever first,” he said, his eyes searching hers for a reaction as he finished. “I don’t expect everything to go back to the way it was before or for getting married to even be on the table right now but I don’t want to waste a minute more by not being with you, baby,” he said gently as he let his hand rest against her cheek and let his thumb run lightly over it. “I know there’s a lot we need to figure out but I want to do that with you. If you’re sure that being with me is what you want and you’re ready for that now then I’m all in if you are. We can take it at our own speed, no one else’s.”

KELSEY JORDAN ABRAHAM

Dex knew that he had so much to catch up on but the good thing was that he now at least had all the time in the world. He had no idea what his life was going to look like now but it had been good to reconnect with his family and Julian and now he had with Kelsey as well. He already felt like things were starting to fall into place and it had only been a few days. He knew he had a long way to go, he had to get the courts to reverse the decision that he was legally dead and he needed to figure out how to process everything that he had been through. Eventually he knew that he wanted to return to work but Dex knew that he needed to take it one step at a time, even if he never really had been the best at being patient. Everything was different now and Dex really needed to figure out what his new normal was. It was going to take time, that was for sure, but for the first time in years at least he knew that he wasn’t alone. He had people around him who cared about him now and he knew better than to take that for granted again. He was so lucky that his family had been happy to see him and that Kelsey wanted him back in her life, it was so much more than he felt like he deserved after what he had done but he wasn’t so sure that pushing them away was a good idea. He was certain that Kelsey deserved better than him and Dex knew that his view on that probably wasn’t going to change but seeing her again was enough to make him realise that he never wanted to be apart from her again. He had fought so hard to make it back to her and even though he hadn’t known if there was a future for the two of them anymore, just the idea that he might get another chance to have the life he’d always wanted had been something he had known that he just couldn’t let go of. It was all so overwhelming and Dex knew that it was going to take time to get his head around everything that had happened and how everything had changed while he was gone but he was more than ready to put in the work to get his life back on track. It wasn’t just him that this affected, it was the people he loved as well and even though he hadn’t expected Kelsey to faint, he really couldn’t say that he blamed her considering the fact that as far as she was concerned he had literally just come back from the dead. “I know you would. You’ve always been good to me like that,” Dex said, a small smile forming on his face as he looked over at her.

Calling her baby again after so long wasn’t something that he had planned on and he hadn’t even known if he had any right to do that anymore but it had slipped out without him realising it at the truth was that he didn’t regret it. The reaction it had gained from Kelsey was much better than he could have hoped for and if he was honest it had felt right being able to call her that again. It was a pet name that a lot of people used in different ways but for him it had only ever belonged to one person and even if Kelsey had moved on he had known that he would never call anyone else by that name. Dex had known that he might have to find a way to move on from Kelsey when he got back but he had always known that his heart belonged to her. She was the person who had helped him get through three years in hell and nothing could ever take that away. Dex knew he wasn’t the same person he was when he left, the guilt of killing those men and being the only survivor was something that he would always carry with him. He couldn’t change the fact that he had blood on his hands but at the end of the day they had spent years torturing him and they’d killed all of his friends. He had known that he wouldn’t be able to escape without there being any casualties at all, they had tried to kill him after he had managed to change into his animagus form and he knew that they wouldn’t have stopped there. They would have tracked him down eventually because he could have identified them and there was no way they ever would have let that drop. There was also the chance that they could have done the same thing to someone else later on down the road and Dex had known he couldn’t let that happen. It didn’t change the fact that he still had blood on his hands but it did make it a little easier for him to live with. “I guess you’re right, I felt bad enough leaving them like that when I escaped. I couldn’t protect them while we were out there but I had to make sure they made it home,” Dex admitted. He still felt like he’d failed his friends while they were out there, like he should have known that something was wrong and he should have been able to do something to stop it, but he hadn’t and he could never change that. “I’m glad they’ll finally get some closure. It must have been so difficult for all of you.” It had been awful for him but it hadn’t been much better for the people he and his friends had left behind either and Dex was starting to see just how bad it had been for them now.

“Kels, are you sure?” Dex asked gently as she said she didn’t want a good person, she wanted him. He knew that he had so much work he needed to do but the truth was that he really did want to have Kelsey there by his side through all of it. It was going to be a bumpy road, Dex was certain of that, but he had always felt like they could face anything together and now was no different. One thing Dex had learned a long time ago was that he was resilient, he had managed to find a way through after CeCe died and he knew that he would do the same again now. Kelsey was right, he had survived and he refused to let the gang take anything more away from him than they already had. He had already lost three years of his life with his loved ones thanks to them and he knew that he wasn’t going to let them take anything else. It was only meant to be a three week holiday but it had changed everything for not just him but so many other people as well and now all they could do was try and navigate their way through it. For Dex, that meant still hoping that he and Kelsey could get back on the right track. His head was so messed up right now that he honestly didn’t know what to think about so many things but when it came to Kelsey she was the one thing he would always be certain of. He was the only woman she had ever loved and he knew that he always would. “There isn’t anyone else I’d rather face this with,” Dex admitted. He knew that he would have his family and friends by his side but it was Kelsey who had given him strength for such a long time and he knew that the same thing could happen again. “They didn’t know I could hear what they were saying, they kept their voices low and they were a good distance away but I spent the last three years in darkness so my other senses adapted to compensate,” he explained. It didn’t make what they had done any better and it honestly had made him feel awful but they hadn’t done it intentionally. “That was still one of the reasons I had to get out of there though. The Ministry has already cleared me of any wrongdoing, I showed them where we were held and they could see that my friends were all killed with magic when mine hasn’t returned to me yet, but if the staff at the hospital believes I’m responsible then chances are others will too.” It wasn’t something that Dex really wanted to think about but there was a good chance it would happen so he needed Kelsey to be prepared for it. “I know we’re meant to be together and I’m certain I’m going to love the person you are now just as much.” Kelsey was his soulmate and he knew that every version of him would love every version of her for the rest of their lives.

That first kiss was enough to make him truly feel like he was home and Dex knew that he didn’t want anything to come between them again. He poured everything into the kiss and he could tell that Kelsey was doing the same. In that moment he knew that no matter what happened next and no matter what their future held, they would face it together. “I’m glad it helped you,” Dex said although his voice was a little tight as he spoke. “I knew I had to see it but it’s a lot more difficult than I thought it would be,” he admitted. Truth be told it made him feel quite uneasy seeing his name engraved on it in the space next to his sister’s grave, it really reiterated the fact that they’d all thought he was dead and it made him feel sick to look at it now even if it had been something that had helped Kelsey greatly over the years. “I always did the same when I would visit CeCe. Now I’m back, I really hope you’ll make do with telling the real me about your day instead,” he said, needing to lighten the mood a little. He needed it to distract him from how awful he was starting to feel about being there, he really didn’t want to ruin a place that had brought Kelsey such comfort for so long but he couldn’t shake that feeling either. “Thank you, I really appreciate that,” he said sincerely. It meant the world to him that CeCe had still had a visitor even when he hadn’t been able to do it. He had always gone to visit her grave regularly and he knew that he would continue to do so again now that he was back but it was difficult to stomach being there while his headstone was right next to hers and he knew that the visits might have to wait until that was gone. Seeing the fact that Kelsey was wearing the engagement ring he had bought her even if it was only around her neck really was incredible. Dex had wanted to ask what had happened to it but he hadn’t told anyone about the ring and he hadn’t wanted to make things awkward so he had thought that he would just have to search his room back at his parents’ place and see if it was still there. Instead he found it hanging around Kelsey’s neck and it was enough to make his heart skip a beat. Before he knew it he was telling her about the plans he’d had for when he got back from Ecuador, plans that had been completely derailed by what had happened, but now it really felt like they had a second chance. “That’s not much more than the first time you said that, you’re still short,” Dex teased, unable to stop himself as he looked over at her. “I’d love to marry you straight away but we both have too much we need to work through first,” he said gently, letting the ring fall before taking her hand in his. “One day we’ll make it there but for now I’m happy just being with you,” he added, knowing that he wouldn’t want it any other way. The meaning of that ring had changed now, it was something that would have brought both comfort and sorrow to Kelsey for so long and Dex knew it wouldn’t feel right using that for the purpose it was intended for any longer. Everything had changed and he knew that when the time came it would also be time for a new ring, one that didn’t carry as much baggage with it that the first one did. Glancing over Kelsey’s shoulder at his headstone, another shudder ran through Dex and he let out a shaky breath. “Do you mind if we get out of here? I know it helped you a lot but I can’t be around that any longer,” he said, nodding towards his headstone and hoping that she would understand.

KELSEY JORDAN ABRAHAM